The Loneliness of Motherhood

Lorna Phillip Author

Posted On Jul 24, 2023 |

A side of motherhood that rarely gets talked about. Feelings of loneliness can be magnified for Black mamas.

Now this is the side of motherhood that rarely gets talked about.

For some reason we seem to be silent on this topic and go on to suffer in silence almost like we should not complain as we have been blessed with this beautiful gift, a baby and whilst this is true it does not negate the loneliness that can come with motherhood and which so many of us experience.

The days can pretty much blur into one and by the end of the week you realise you have not actually spoken to another adult (except maybe your partner) for the entire week. Friends aren’t checking in quite as much, because of course, the hype of a new baby has started to disappear as everyone slowly gets back to business as usual.

You want to send your friends and family the cute new pics you have taken of your beautiful new buddy you are so proud you created but also do not want to be that annoying person who only contacts people to send them pictures of their babies. You may have some friends who have babies and can relate somewhat, you may have friends who you know desperately want children but have not had them just yet and so you do not want to cause offence by constantly sending them pictures or talking about the one thing they long for but do not yet have. And then you have friends who absolutely do not want a baby and although they will make lovely comments about your pictures, they also do not need this baby journal you seem to be including them in. The problem is, what else do we have to talk about? We have not been on a lovely trip lately, not been at work so no office gossip; your life literally surrounds this beautiful specimen who to you is your absolute world but for everyone else their world continues, business…as…usual.

Leaving the house can become a chore, as you try and complete all of your other tasks, get the baby ready, get yourself ready, after finally finding some clothes to dress your new body you are not yet used to, checked you have everything you need in your changing bag. Realised you should probably give the baby a ‘quick feed’ before you leave to then find after or during the feed baby has done a little explosion in their nappy, so now we need to change that and then finally…finally you are ready to leave the house.

It is A LOT!!

You decide to check out the local baby group as you want to interact with other mums and bring a little variety into your day. But you get to the baby group to find the new mum clique you were hoping to create may not actually be the clique you were looking for. As a Black mama it is not unusual or wrong to want to spend some time with other Black mamas. Mamas who get you, mamas who can relate when you tell them your grandma tried to feed your baby cornmeal porridge in the baby bottle, mamas who have suggestions for hair care and moisturisers for your baby.

So, what do we do when we attend these groups and realise the clique is not quite cliquing and the cliques have already been made and you are not a part of it whether intentional or not. This can just feel like another minefield to navigate and as the viral phrase goes - "ain't nobody got time for dat!"

Finding your people, your circle of mamas is an important part of your journey into motherhood. But it does not always happen on the first try and you may have to look a little further a field but do not give up and do not retreat, you would be surprised how easily conversations are sparked with complete strangers when there are babies in tow. They are the perfect component to making new friends.

Or how about on social media? If you are Black and pregnant, why not join our free Facebook group? It’s your ready-made village where you’ll find other mamas and mamas-to-be just like you!

Come and join us today!