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Ain't I Human Too? Part II

Embracing Your Humanity! A vital component missing from most antenatal courses for Black moms. Here are 5 Signs that you may not be embracing yours

Following on from my last blog post – Ain’t I Human Too?

First off, let me preface this blog post by saying that if it’s dawned on you that you’re not (yet) embracing your humanity, don’t be harsh on yourself – IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!

Did you hear that Queens, this sh*t is not your fault!

If you’re struggling to acknowledge and embrace your humanity right now, it’s most likely because you’ve found ‘safety’ in a life lived outside of your truest self.

To get by, you’ve been taught to mask yourself and adopt behaviours and characteristics that deny your truest self and your wonderful humanity.

So now that I’ve made that clear, let me give you what you came here for –

5 signs that you may not be embracing your humanity:

In your encounters with medical professionals, being told that you’re no bother/you’re an easy/dream patient has you glowing with pride! If your parents/carers encouraged you to make yourself small or quiet, don’t think harshly of them; they thought they were protecting you (from the judgement/even more racism/poor treatment that can come our way when we speak up or cry out).
In the face of abusive treatment, whether that be a rough examination or sweep etc. or another intervention that you didn’t consent to, you struggle to yell STOP! Again, you may feel pressured into playing the role of ‘good girl’ – gritting your teeth and screaming inside. You're struggling to let your voice be heard.
You struggle to re-connect with yourself and it follows that you struggle to trust yourself/your body’s abilities. I say re-connect and not connect as I believe we were all connected to ourselves and, at some stage in our lives, that all changed. Probably when we were young children and taught the ‘safety’ of a life lived outside of our true selves! How this may show up for you in pregnancy, birth & motherhood is that when someone encourages you to tap into your instincts, reflect on your thoughts, journal – you turn to Google, online parenting forums etc. Anywhere except inside of yourself because, well because that’s not where you’re used to going!
You kick yourself as soon as you leave the antenatal clinic/hospital appointment. A member of staff has been rude or disrespectful. You experience the behaviour, you feel it like a punch to the gut, your heart races and no doubt your blood pressure shoots up. You get in the car/bus/home and wished you’d said something there and then. You tell friends and family, and they advise you to complain. You say you will, but you don’t. You may tell yourself you don’t have time, nothing will come of complaining etc. but queen, you deserve to be treated respectfully and with compassion (see previous blog post) and when we embrace our humanity, we demand what is rightfully ours (even if it’s via a complaint or feedback months down the line).
Despite feeling the gut punch, the heart racing, blood pressure spiking as we find ourselves at the shit end of yet another comment about your hair, skin, weight, cultural practices, name, birth choices etc etc - you question yourself. Am I being too sensitive, am I blowing things out of proportion? Maybe you tell yourself it must be me and not them.

It may be that you can relate to all/some or none of the above. If you can, it’s time for you to consider your humanity and how you will go about finding and embracing it for your continued wellness. By wellness I mean the deep emotional and physical wellness that brings you back to a version of yourself that recognises your true worth.

Where to start? You may want to consider finding some space to sit quietly and ask your self what you truly need in that moment - to feel heard/joyful/nourished/balanced? Or maybe use that space to think back to a time when you felt connected to yourself. What does that feel like in your body and how can you experience more of that?

Black mama, my wish for you is that you find that sweet spot – a space that offers personal safety but also where you meet yourself with compassion as you strive to re-connect with yourself on your journey towards motherhood and beyond.

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