Ain't I Human Too? Part I

Lorna Phillip Author

Nov 25, 2022 |

Why embracing our humanity as Black people is THE starting point for preparing for birth and parenting.

Many, if not all birth preparation courses stress that families have options and can make choices about the maternity care that they receive. Choices such as where & how to give birth and the freedom to accept or decline interventions etc.

As a Black doula supporting many Black & Brown families and now as the founder of Black Mamas Birth village, there’s always been something about the “just tell them you want a homebirth”, “just say no to the induction”, “just use *BRAINS” statements that just seemed a little off for me.

You’ll find these gems of advice bandied around in many a pregnancy & birth group. To be honest, I too used to encourage Black families to “Just tell them…” whilst preparing them for their upcoming births.

I have a different approach now though because when push came to shove, I saw many Black mamas and their partners get beat down and struggling to vocalise their wishes. In the face of poor treatment and being fed half-truths, they didn’t “tell them” or "just use BRAINS". 

What I observed was their hearts pounding in their chests and their throats opening only enough to swallow down the bitter taste of being beat down YET AGAIN! Throats so tight that the words could not escape!

And then for those families there came the crappy feelings, the feeling inadequate, the regrets and the apologies for not speaking up, demanding better (treatment) etc.

It's been playing on my mind for a while and I have come to the conclusion that it has a lot to do with living under an oppressive system that sees us as 'other' and as such, denies us our humanity. 

An oppressive system teaches Black people (as it taught our parents and their parents ..) to expect less, not to make a fuss, not to draw attention to ourselves, not to be vocal and to play the game/collude with the system in order to keep safe. 

The system teaches us this to keep us 'in our place' and our elders reinforce it for our 'safety'.

So, as you can see, all round we are actively being discouraged from acknowledging our needs and ensuring that they are met.

So what has preparing for birth got to do with embracing your humanity?

When we embrace our humanity, when our eyes have been opened and we are consciously claiming the humanity that others refuse to see in us, we open ourselves up to more choice and the freedom to make decisions. I mean consciously make decisions that we believe in and that are right for us and our families, not blindly following the decisions that others make or make for us because it seems the thing to do.

When we embrace our humanity, we see ourselves for who we truly are and what we truly deserve. 

In our maternity care, we deserve:

• To be treated respectfully and with compassion
• To be treated humanely
• To be listened to
• To be treated as individuals and not subjected to racial stereotyping or racial gaslighting
• To be offered the fullest menu of birthing options (not just the options that our care givers choose to tell us about)
• Our choices to be respected (even if they are contrary to clinical guidelines)

When we work to embrace our humanity, we no longer bow our heads and beat ourselves up for not speaking up in the face of poor treatment. We speak up, we shout out and where necessary we exercise our human right to opt out for the sake of ourselves and our families!

If you are Black and pregnant, are you managing to embrace your humanity?

*BRAINS - asking questions of your caregivers:

Benefits

Risks

Alternatives

Intuition

Nothing (do nothing)

Science

I suggest that if you're not able to ask these questions, give yourself some SPACE! More about that here

A brief word for the birth workers/educators reading this. If we are to serve Black families well, we cannot take a one size fits all approach to birth preparation. Doing so causes harm and can leave some Black families feeling like crap when they struggle to implement advice such as “use BRAINS” or “just say no”. Chances are your Black client and their ancestors have struggled to exist (let alone thrive) in an oppressive system that denies their humanity; consider how this may close down the freedom to consciously make birth choices that are open to others!